60 of the Best Most Humorous Weight Loss Quotes

by Millie
humorous weight loss quotes

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Who doesn’t need a little humor in these challenging times? I have been collecting weight loss quotes for quite some time, and I recently shared my most inspirational quotes. Today I reached into my treasure chest and pulled out the most humorous weight loss quotes.  I really need to laugh while on my successful weight loss journey when I lost 80 pounds in 8 months.

Losing weight is hard work and these funny diet motivation quotes will give you a different perspective of a healthy diet and the tough times. ahead.

Remember, laughter is the best medicine, and we overweight people can use all the free medicine we can get! And we can burn a few calories at the same time! You’re probably not going to meet your fitness goals with these motivational quotes, but you can have a little fun on your way to a healthy weight.

Researchers at Vanderbilt University found that we can burn about 10 – 40 calories laughing for 10-15 minutes. Okay, so that is not a lot of calories, but you are also increasing your heart rate and metabolism. And it is definitely better than crying. 

Also read The 7 Best Inspirational Weight Loss Tips

If you like one of these humorous weight loss quotes pins, just hover above it and you will see the pin it button to pin on Pinterest. Also, there are some funny diet quotes that you can tweet directly from the post.

Why is it so hard to diet?

Why is it so hard to eat healthy meals, good habits? We have all been on those diets where all the joy and pleasure was taken out of every meal. A huge part of most diets is restrictive. That’s when you need a little weight loss motivation to take care of your body. If these funny diet quotes speak to you, you have my permission to change your diet!

the heart doctor's diet pin
Heart doctor’s funny diet quote

It’s called diet, because all the other 4-letter words were taken. – Anonymous

A balanced diet is having a cupcake in each hand. – Anonymous

I am just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be 3 tacos, 2 margaritas, and an order of queso. – Unknown

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit. – Unknown

Depriving yourself will, ironically enough, lead to rebellion and weight gain. – Bethenny Frankel

The cardiologist’s diet: If this tastes good, spit it out. – Anonymous

A diet is just code for a time when you eat food you dislike and still feel hungry. – Anonymous    

A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch. – Hermione Gingold    

I tried every diet in the book. I tried some of which weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted far better than most of the diet plans. – Dolly Parton

I followed a diet one time; nonetheless it didn’t follow back again, so I unfollowed it. – Unknown

The Beginning of the Diet

You know when the first few days of your diet are also the last few days? You are always filled with hope at the start of your weight loss program. Each new diet is a fresh start. But starting over is always positive. The following funny weight loss captions will take you back to those good old days!

Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet. – Dan Bennett

humorous weight loss quotes about Thanksgiving
Funny quote about diet and Thanksgiving

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. – Irv Kupcinet

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you are off it. – Jackie Gleason

The Love-Hate Relationship with the Scale

The hardest step to get to your goal weight is probably stepping on the scale. When the numbers on the scale are not moving or going in the wrong direction, I get a little joy from these hilarious diet quotes knowing that I am not alone in the struggle.

I've been on every diet for 2 weeks, humorous weight loss quote pin
Two weeks on a diet funny weight loss quote

Imagine the weight you are losing is going to the person you hate. – Unknown

I would lose weight, but I hate losing. – Unknown

Whenever I check my weight I always subtract five pounds. I don’t think a girl’s boobs or brains should ever count against them. – Unknown

I gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu. – Jane Wagner

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks, and all I’ve lost is 14 days. – Totie Field

I put the scale within the bathroom corner which is where that little liar will certainly stay until she apologizes. – Unknown

In the Middle Ages, there were guillotines, stretch racks, whips and chains. Nowadays, we have an infinitely more efficient torture device – the weighing scale. – Unknown

The Struggle to Exercise

Apparently, there is no such thing as a bad workout. Yes, I know a few people who love to exercise, but most of us have to force ourselves to workout and may have said something like these funny fitness quotes from fellow dieters.

my favorite exercise, humorous weight loss quote
Funny diet quote about lunch

The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back. – Franklin Jones

Fitness is like marriage, you can’t cheat on it and expect it to work. – Bonnie Pfiester

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. – Robert Hutchins

Taking off a sweaty sports bra should count as resistance training. – Unknown

Exercise in the morning … before your body figures out what you’re doing. – Unknown

I go to the gym because I think my great personality could use a banging body. – Unknown

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it I wash my mouth out with chocolate. – Charles M. Schulz

I exercised once but found that I was allergic to it. My skin flushed,, and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous. – Unknown

Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that’s why I think of jogging every day. – Unknown

Yes, of course, I am athletic… I surf the Internet every day. – Unknown

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch … I call it lunch. – Anonymous

humorous weight loss quotes about resistance training
Funny weight loss quote about resistance training

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?  – Anonymous

Giving Up

Do you ever feel like giving up because it is an endless battle of the bugle and the bulge always wins? Here are some funny quotes about diet and exercise that will help you make that decision.

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago, and well, it actually fit!! Therefore, I am so proud of myself. Who cares if it was a scarf, But still! Let’s be positive. – Anonymous

I’ve decided I’ll never get down to my original weight. I am okay with that. After all, 6lbs, 3 oz, is just not realistic. Unknown

The Struggle is Real

You don’t need me to you that when you are on a weight-loss or fitness journey that it is a struggle every day to stay on track. Remember there are others in the same boat as you. Here are some funny thoughts from other dieters.

funny diet quote, what diet stands for
Humorous diet quote

Did you know ‘Diet’ stands for “did I eat that? – Unknown

A diet is just code for a time when you eat food you dislike and still feel hungry. – Anonymous

I wish I was as overweight as the first time I thought I was overweight. – Unknown

Halfway to your weight loss goal. Boobs stick out further than stomach.

There should be a calorie refund for things that didn’t taste as good as you expected. – Unknown

If it’s true “you are what you eat,” – I gonna need to eat a skinny person. – Unknown

Dear stomach, you are bored, not hungry. So shut up! – Anonymous

My advice if you insist on slimming. Eat as much as you like just don’t swallow. – Harry Secombe

Maybe she’s crazy. Maybe she just needs carbs. You just don’t know! – Unknown

Inside me is a thin person struggling to get out; however, I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes. – Miss Piggy

Nutrition Fact: If you drink a gallon of water per day, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy peeing. Stay hydrated my friends. – Tobi Corley

If it’s true that stress brings on weight loss, then why the heck am I not invisible right now? – Tamara Thomas

The first thing you lose on a diet is brain mass. – Margaret Cho

I lied on my Weight Watcher list. I put down that I had three eggs, but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs. – Caroline Rhea

How to lose weight: Turn your head to the left, turn your head to the right. Repeat this exercise every time food is offered. – Unknown

Today I bought a cupcake without sprinkles; diet plans are hard. – Unknown

funny weight loss quote about cupcakes
Funny weight loss quote about cupcakes

After I buy cookies, I consume just four and toss the rest away. But first I spray them using Raid, so I won’t get them out of the garbage afterwards. Be careful, though, because Raid really doesn’t taste that bad. – Janette Barber

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actress. – Unknown

humorous weight loss quote about gaining 10 pounds

Fitbit/Fitness Tracker

Are you one of those addicted to your Fitbit or fitness tracker? If you are, you will love these Fitbit funny fitness quotes.

humorous weight loss quote pin about 2000 steps
Funny diet quote

Just added 2,000 steps on my Fitbit wandering the office looking for donuts. – Unknown

Wearing my Fitbit is like wearing yoga pants, both make me feel sporty even if we both know I slept in bed all day! – Unknown

The World Around Us

We are surrounded by temptations all the time, no wonder it’s so hard. I think these humorous diet quotes sums up the world around us nicely.

We’re the country that provides more food to eat than any other region in the world, plus with more diets to keep us from consuming it. – Unknown

Pinterest: the only place where you can save weight loss tips and how to make chocolate-covered French bread pizza without shame. – Unknown

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books, how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook. – Andy Rooney

Justifying Your Choices

Sometimes you need to justify why you just ate the stuff you promise never to eat again. I just usually blame my lack of willpower, but try using one of these hilarious diet quotes when you fall off the wagon.

If we’re not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge – Unknown

“You know when you obtain a bag of salad, and it turns all brown and soggy? Cookies don’t do that. – Unknown

Consumed salad for dinner, largely croutons and tomatoes. Genuinely, only one big round crouton covered with tomato marinade and cheese. FINE! It was pizza. I actually ATE PIZZA. – Kevin Hart

Humorous Weight Loss Quotes

I hope you had a good laugh today. We are still coping with a global pandemic and many of us are dealing with the COVID 15 – the 15 pounds (or more) that we have gained during these stressful times. Laughter can help to relieve stress according to the Mayo Clinic

On a serious note, obesity is a risk factor for many conditions, including COVID-19. But you only need to take baby steps, one day at a time. You can get healthier by losing just five per cent of your weight. 

The only real answer to better health is diet and exercise. The first step is the hardest but you can do it. You can have a healthy lifestyle and achieve your weight loss goals.

Focus on getting healthy, and the rest will follow. I still have a lot of weight to lose, but my blood pressure is normal, my cholesterol level is normal, and my blood sugar level is normal. So I am laughing all the way to the scale!

You can do it, my friend, with diet, exercise, and some laughter.

Do you have a favorite weight loss quote or joke? Let me know in the comments!

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Erika Ravnsborg August 17, 2020 -

LOL! You made my day! This so hilarious. My favorite is “I just added 2000 steps out of my office looking for the donuts.” Thank you for starting my day off right.

Millie August 17, 2020 -

You’re welcome, Erika! I glad I made you laugh today!

MELANIE EDJOURIAN August 17, 2020 -

This is great! So many amusing weight loss quotes. It’s true baby steps towards weight loss can make it easier to tackle.

Millie August 17, 2020 -

Thanks, Melanie! Yes, baby steps will eventually turn into big rewards.

Lyosha August 18, 2020 -

great quotes, each made me smile in a way, however weightloss journey can be fun it is never easy

Millie August 18, 2020 -

Hi Lyosha, I am so glad that I made you smile. You are so right, weight loss is not easy.

Monidipa August 19, 2020 -

These are really applicable for me, They are so good. Thanks for putting them up!

Millie August 19, 2020 -

You’re welcome, Monique. I hope you laughed a little today.

blair villanueva August 21, 2020 -

Some of these quotes make me smile! Oh boy, maybe that’s the reason why I don’t like visiting doctors coz they will stop me for the goodness I enjoy 🙂

Millie August 21, 2020 -

Hi Blair, I’m so glad that you smile. That was my goal! I also hated doctors until I finally found one listens to me without judgement.

Mary September 11, 2020 -

Great post… I identify with way too many of those quotes.

Millie September 12, 2020 -

Hi Mary, I know what you mean! I have quietly made similar comments.


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